[[Crack]]

http://www.sjgames.com/illuminati/politics.html

I like surrealism.

[Cruzandercerberus]

Anarcro-syndicalism. You work in a factory milking cows bi-weekly. You have a committee of people who advise you how to milk and when. The milk is distributed by the committee who prevent anyone, especially you from benefiting from your labor and you get enough milk to stay alive. You live in a cinder block tenement with the rest of the milkers and die of old age at 45.

[Serataru]

those arent even correct lol


also here's some more

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
American Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

French Capitalism: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

Japanese Capitalism: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

German Capitalism: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

Italian Capitalism: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

British Capitalism: You have two cows. Both are mad.

Russian Capitalism: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

Arkansas Capitalism: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...

Hindu Capitalism: You have two cows. You worship them.

Swiss Capitalism: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

Canadian Capitalism: You have two cows. Let’s make a hockey team, eh?

Chinese Capitalism: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

Irish Capitalism: You have two cows. You feed them potatoes and wonder why they emigrate.

Israeli Capitalism: So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

Cuban Capitalism: You have two cows. They try to swim to Florida.

Politically Correct Capitalism: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

Disney Capitalism: You have two cows. They dance & sing.

Microsoft Capitalism: You have two cows. You patent them and sue anyone else who has them.

Hollywood Capitalism: You have two cows. You give them utter implants and also teach them to bullet-dodge, wall climb and shoot milk out of their utters on command.

Clinton Capitalism: You have two cows. You deny any knowledge of them.

Bureaucratic Capitalism: You have two cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.

Gore Capitalism: You have two cows. You claim you invented them.

Real-World Capitalism: You have two cows. You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.

Australian Capitalism: You have two cows. You try to wrestle them.

Iraqi Capitalism: You have two cows. They are biochemical weapons.

Perestroika Capitalism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.

Jewish Capitalism: You have two cows. You set them on fire and they burn for 8 days.

Cambodian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

Mormon Capitalism: You have two cows. You tell everyone that they should as well.

Military Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Texan Capitalism: You have two cows. You teach them to fire guns.

Totalitarian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Nevadan Capitalism: You have two cows. You charge lonely men from Arkansas to spend the night with them.

Jehovah’s Witness Capitalism: You have two cows. You go door to door telling people that you do.

Bureaucrat Capitalism: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Real Capitalism: You don't have any cows.
The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

Environmental Capitalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking them.

Surreal Capitalism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Californian Capitalism: You have two cows. They are happy.

Bush Capitalism: You have two cows. You think that cows and humans can coexist peacefully. You give all of the milk to the upper class when they have cows of their own, and the lower class needs milk.

Martha Stewart Capitalism: You have two cows. After decorating them, you sell them because a farmer told you the price of milk might go down.

Ayn Rand Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell both so that you can invest in a new dairy company. After it does well, you sell you stock and buy a cow farm.
After that does well, you take out a loan using cows as capitol and build a milk manufacturing factory. After making your milk the most sold, you sell the company and retire to Hawaii with your millions of dollars.


BUDDHISM: You have no cows. It is impossible to own. You must fast and meditate on this.

SOLIPSISM: You have two cows, but they're imaginary so it's alright if they die.

DEISM: You create two cows from mud. They serve man by offering up their flesh as a sacrifice.

ANARCHO-SYNDICALISM: Strange posts about the distribution of cattle are no basis for describing a system of government.

LESBIANISM: You have two cows. They make out.

NOOBISM: You have two cows, but you don't know how to milk them, while your trying to figure it out, china invades. endgame.

CREATIONISM: You have two cows, and no idea how they got there.

/b/ISM: You have two cows. You put a dress on one and watch as thousands of faceless people masturbate on it. The other cow is ripped into bloody pieces by Anon, and then masturbated on by hundreds of guro-furfags.

HINDUISM: You have two cows. You starve to death while worshiping them.

NEO-MARXISM: You have two cows. They starve to death while you're smoking out and talking with other suburban refugees about how capitalism is the source of all evil in the world.

RACISM: You have a white cow and a black cow. They kill each other.

ALCOHOLISM: You'll have a red bull and vodka. Make that two.

ZONDAYISM: **Your cow moves away from the mic to breathe in

DARWINISM: Change in the genetic composition of a population during successive generations, as a result of natural selection acting on the genetic variation among individuals has resulted in you having two cows.

Realism: There's no point knowing about other political and philosophical systems because you'll never be able to choose one for yourself.

[Vigilous]

Arkansas Capitalism: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute because your own sister is standing next to it...

Fixed.

And what about cowism? You have two cows and only one of them has the udders to jump over the moon with a silver spoon.

[[Crack]]

those arent even correct lol


also here's some more

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
American Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

French Capitalism: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

Japanese Capitalism: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

German Capitalism: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

Italian Capitalism: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

British Capitalism: You have two cows. Both are mad.

Russian Capitalism: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

Arkansas Capitalism: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...

Hindu Capitalism: You have two cows. You worship them.

Swiss Capitalism: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

Canadian Capitalism: You have two cows. Let’s make a hockey team, eh?

Chinese Capitalism: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

Irish Capitalism: You have two cows. You feed them potatoes and wonder why they emigrate.

Israeli Capitalism: So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

Cuban Capitalism: You have two cows. They try to swim to Florida.

Politically Correct Capitalism: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

Disney Capitalism: You have two cows. They dance & sing.

Microsoft Capitalism: You have two cows. You patent them and sue anyone else who has them.

Hollywood Capitalism: You have two cows. You give them utter implants and also teach them to bullet-dodge, wall climb and shoot milk out of their utters on command.

Clinton Capitalism: You have two cows. You deny any knowledge of them.

Bureaucratic Capitalism: You have two cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.

Gore Capitalism: You have two cows. You claim you invented them.

Real-World Capitalism: You have two cows. You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.

Australian Capitalism: You have two cows. You try to wrestle them.

Iraqi Capitalism: You have two cows. They are biochemical weapons.

Perestroika Capitalism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.

Jewish Capitalism: You have two cows. You set them on fire and they burn for 8 days.

Cambodian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

Mormon Capitalism: You have two cows. You tell everyone that they should as well.

Military Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Texan Capitalism: You have two cows. You teach them to fire guns.

Totalitarian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Nevadan Capitalism: You have two cows. You charge lonely men from Arkansas to spend the night with them.

Jehovah’s Witness Capitalism: You have two cows. You go door to door telling people that you do.

Bureaucrat Capitalism: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Real Capitalism: You don't have any cows.
The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

Environmental Capitalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking them.

Surreal Capitalism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Californian Capitalism: You have two cows. They are happy.

Bush Capitalism: You have two cows. You think that cows and humans can coexist peacefully. You give all of the milk to the upper class when they have cows of their own, and the lower class needs milk.

Martha Stewart Capitalism: You have two cows. After decorating them, you sell them because a farmer told you the price of milk might go down.

Ayn Rand Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell both so that you can invest in a new dairy company. After it does well, you sell you stock and buy a cow farm.
After that does well, you take out a loan using cows as capitol and build a milk manufacturing factory. After making your milk the most sold, you sell the company and retire to Hawaii with your millions of dollars.


BUDDHISM: You have no cows. It is impossible to own. You must fast and meditate on this.

SOLIPSISM: You have two cows, but they're imaginary so it's alright if they die.

DEISM: You create two cows from mud. They serve man by offering up their flesh as a sacrifice.

ANARCHO-SYNDICALISM: Strange posts about the distribution of cattle are no basis for describing a system of government.

LESBIANISM: You have two cows. They make out.

NOOBISM: You have two cows, but you don't know how to milk them, while your trying to figure it out, china invades. endgame.

CREATIONISM: You have two cows, and no idea how they got there.

/b/ISM: You have two cows. You put a dress on one and watch as thousands of faceless people masturbate on it. The other cow is ripped into bloody pieces by Anon, and then masturbated on by hundreds of guro-furfags.

HINDUISM: You have two cows. You starve to death while worshiping them.

NEO-MARXISM: You have two cows. They starve to death while you're smoking out and talking with other suburban refugees about how capitalism is the source of all evil in the world.

RACISM: You have a white cow and a black cow. They kill each other.

ALCOHOLISM: You'll have a red bull and vodka. Make that two.

ZONDAYISM: **Your cow moves away from the mic to breathe in

DARWINISM: Change in the genetic composition of a population during successive generations, as a result of natural selection acting on the genetic variation among individuals has resulted in you having two cows.

Realism: There's no point knowing about other political and philosophical systems because you'll never be able to choose one for yourself.

Win

[Kussese]

Nazi Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots you, and hides your body with other former cow owners in fear that other countries with more cows will get angry. All of this because your Jewish.

Agnosticism: You have two cows. You don't know anything about them

Atheism: You have two cows. You doubt their existence.

Pacifism: You have two cows. You use these cows to create a world in which everyone is eternally peaceful.

Racism: You have two cows. You insult them because they're half black.

Pastafarianism: You have two cows. You use their milk to create FSM-shaped food.

[Fencer of Alexander]

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?' Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

-I am the head of the family , so call me The President.
-Your mother is the administrator of the money, so! we call her the Government.
-We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you- the People.
-The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
-And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.

So the little boy, goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies:
-The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep.
-The People are being ignored and the
-Future is in deep shit.

[Won-ton]

Chinese Democracy: The milk from your cows is extremely popular, but you wait 15 years to ship the next supply and by then everyone has lost interest.

[Boldfinger]

Pommegranates. That is all.

[Poochoo]

I laughed a lot. Good thread.

[octoberasian]

Great thread!

Sounds like sticky material too. Lol.
(Noticed The Lounge has only one usable sticky...)

Great way to look at politics through the view of cows. I never laughed so hard. I wish I was still in contact with my PoliSci professor from college, he would have loved reading this.

[Spartan]

Chinese Democracy: The milk from your cows is extremely popular, but you wait 15 years to ship the next supply and by then everyone has lost interest.

I know I'm late, but LOL.

[Shippou]

ALCOHOLISM: You'll have a red bull and vodka. Make that two.

I Lol'd so hard. GJ Sera.

HOMOSEXUALISM: You have two cows. You ban them from marrying because you're Christian.

[Won-ton]

HOMOSEXUALISM: You have two cows. You ban them from marrying because you're Christian.

Don't bring your nonsensical bitterness in here, we're lounging.