[Sirus]

ok this is what happening

my parents are out with family friends, and they'll be back any minute so I need your help

heres some background

i volunteer on my cousins softball team (im 17, the girls are 15)

and whatever yea i met this girl, her name is Allison, and we're going out for a while. We have a lot in common, sometimes i help her with her homework. I helped her on an english essay and she still got a C. This is because her teacher is a prick... anywayz

So she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so I ask her to have sex

"no i cant its not right" she said but i told her "dont worry i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes"

So I gave her diddy kong racing and ken griffey jr baseball, and then she goes to my room. shes a bit confused and scared.

Then i think to myself - yo I need lube right? Cuz I hear you guys on TW saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.

Ok so I have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity - so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold, it wont melt - so i microwaved it for 8 minutes, and then i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, now shes saying i burned it.

I don't know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guys are really smrat and please help me.

Any idea how to shut her up? Should i give her another n64 game?Maybe you should send her a photograph of your genitals to make up for it?

[Alistarn]

Kill her then store the body in the closet. You can lose your virginity later AND keep it a secret from your folks.

[Scratch]

Olde, you're stupid.

[Rentahobo]

1/10 for making me think Derf had another fun thread to "Translate" other than that Shits older than crude oil

[Carynaira]

Stale copypasta should be thrown away.

[Varizen]

I always keep copies of things like this.

[Symbios]

...

Varizen, you save the weirdest stuff.

[Varizen]

You have no idea the extremity of the accuracy of your statement.



Also, this is from my list of actual adds I've found on the interwebs:

[loyaltrekie]

Sirus is my sugar daddy.